The Step Parent Dilemma

    It's been a few days since I posted due to a couple of work days I picked up. I've decided I want to switch directions in my career path so I'm adamantly working in order to prepare for school. However, this post isn't about my change of heart with my career, but instead it's about a few issues I've encountered with blending my family. I'm weary of the subject because it seems nearly impossible to break the stigma behind step parenting. It's been a huge challenge that I'm still trying to overcome. I have a good relationship with my step kids, and my husband and I have had a success at all our children being very close knit. The difficulty comes from outsiders lack of understanding of the step parenting role. Showing up with my spouse at a teacher conference doesn't equate to I'm here because "I want to be seen as my stepchildren biological parent." Taking them to the doctor office due to my spouse having a work schedule conflict doesn't equate to "I want to be seen as my stepchildren biological parent." I am supportive of my stepchildren education and I take education really seriously. I don't attend these meetings in place of their mother and we emphasize I'm a stepparent, but in the past we've seen teachers seem confused by me coming to lunch, field day, and other events at first. In all fairness, by the end of the year the teachers are nice and respecting but at first it's a different story. Doctor offices have strict rules about who is authorized to take children to their appointments. I'm written down as an authorized person but sometimes have had to argue my right to bring my stepchildren to the appointment. It's annoying sometimes, because it seems like people can't get rid of the "mean stepparent" portrayed in Disney movies. I try to make all our children feel equal and let them know that all families are unique. Children naturally have a tough time with their biological parents not being together and it makes it even tougher when it's not a lot of blended families. Marriage in itself is declining and people blending their families are not considered the "traditional" way of raising a family. I feel like people think when you're hands on with your step children, you're trying to "replace" their mom. The flipside is when you stand back and hide in the shadows you appear too apathetic. It's no middle ground. You're trying to have a close family and the outside world influence is constantly in opposition with your family goals. Too many people have had bad experiences with stepparents and ideas that are bad surrounding blended families and it has  spread like wildflowers. I talk to my stepchildren about this a lot and explain to them my position is just a bonus family member that's here to help and support them. I talk to them a lot about  having reference for their mothers and not feeling bad about visiting two homes. As time progresses, I hope these issues die down because I don't see anything wrong with loving and supporting your spouse's children as long as you are being respectful of the parents roles and rules. 

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