"No Step Parents Allowed!" 🚫

Step parenting isn't exactly in the spotlight when it comes to family dynamics. The "mean" step parent narrative is ages old, but some people can't move forward. As a step parent, I work hard to break this belief. It's important to me that my step kids understand that MY house is THEIR house. I push for them to understand I'm an addition to their family life, not in any shape or form a replacement. However, it's difficult to BLEND families when everyone can't be on one page. You'd think it wouldn't be a debate about children schedules, children diets, and the importance of both biological parents being in their children life. But I'll tell you first hand I've watched my husband go to and from custody court and child support court trying to do what a Dad is suppose to do when he doesn't want to be with former partners and still wants to take care of his children. It's been many hurdles and the only ones truly affected by these issues are the kids.  There's just never any middle ground. I've also noticed that my spouse seeing his kids wasn't an issue until we began dating 6 years ago. God's been gracious to us though. We've won one joint physical custody case and the other one is under construction. This has been a blessing, because my step children and I have grown much closer despite opposition from other parties. I'm active with their education. We have many workbooks and interactive learning videos we regularly go over. I teach them about spirituality,  social  skills, financial literacy,  mental health, the importance of exercise and nutrition for kids. This is broken up between long periods of play time, videogames, time on phones, and anything else you can vividly imagine kids doing to occupy their minds. Our house isn't perfect, all the kids have really good days and really bad days. Sometimes my kids and step kids are inseparable, other times my husband and I are sending everyone in separate rooms to give them time away from each other to regroup. My step kids have become a part of my life and my family's life. It saddens me when they feel like they have to pick a household because no one should ever make it feel like a contest for children. I always reassure them having two families is "normal" for many kids and it's just a double portion of love. I know many people assume step parents are intrusive and want to be the "mom" to their kids, but many are not trying to do that. This isn't a Hollywood movie full of propaganda. Some of us have our own biological children, our own life interests we're actively pursuing, and we know how to support our spouses wanting to be there for their children also. I teach my step kids there's nothing wrong with both parents taking care of you, and teach them to have respect for both of their parents. Unfortunately, some adults can't grasp the concept of respect. Michelle Obama had it right about going "high" when others go "low". We can't control anyone, but we can control our reactions, words, attitudes, etc. And I'll continue to choose a positive response to being a step parent despite the obstacles some people try to force into existence.

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