Avoidant Attachment

 Avoidant attachment is one of the attachment styles that babies form based on their parents actions and responses to them in their early part of infant-hood. If you want more info on the other attachment styles, I have a blog post breaking those down. For today, I’m just going to discuss how my attachment style has been wrecking havoc on my adulthood and how I’m deciding to deal with it. As a kid, I wasn’t much of a social butterfly, I’d just keep to myself and keep a very small number of friends. Socializing  wasn’t my thing growing up and it still isn’t. I’m naturally a loner and enjoy being in my own head, probably more than I should. I grew up with two of my paternal aunts switching off raising me and one on my siblings. My relationship with my biological mom was pretty much non-existent and I didn’t care for a change in that at the time. I just grew up figuring, whatever my adulthood would entail wouldn’t be the journey she took or my dad. I was harsh, cold hearted, and closed minded. I envisioned that whatever good things I wanted in my life, I’d find them on my own. I just didn’t feel like my aunts could give me a sense of stable security despite how great of a childhood they provided physically and financially. Mentally, I was a very focused child, overly determined to find the meaning of self-reliance. I won’t walk you through my whole life, that’s a book for the future. But I want to explain how not feeling secure in my childhood led me to be more of an individual chasing isolation and self stability than anything. It worked, but not for the right reasons and not without consequences to my current life. Trust doesn’t come easy to me, I’m extremely mistrusting and hesitant to take help if I feel it’s some insincere motive waiting to be exposed. I don’t allow people in to meet any needs because for so long I convinced myself to attempt to meet those needs completely on my own. Exploring some of these truths about myself has allowed me to see and understand my thought processes and how I may be perceived to others around me. Although, I still plan to stay true to my introverted ways, I’ve been able to see where improvements can be made regarding letting my guard down some and working towards being more open and accessible to others. Also, I’ve been breaking through the toxic independence, and feeling like I have to be my own savior. I guess this was a little therapeutic to write, but I hope that it inspires whoever comes across this to not be afraid to stop childhood traumas from creeping into the rest of their adulthood. It can be a tough pill to swallow but it’s well worth an emotionally free future!

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